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Beatings Stop! - 03-28-2005, 06:14 AM

BEATINGS STOP!
http://www.zyworld.com/gentlewar/beatings_stop.htm
Deb worked hard to build up her dog training business. 10 years she worked, and slowly, the dedication and long hours paid off. Raising a child, and at the same time enduring beatings were a balancing act she put up with.
When we spoke, I mentioned that I worked with victims. "I get beat." came out nonchalantly, as if she were talking about the weather. "But he loves me, and promised to stop." an equally casual statement.
"Bulls***! He doesn't love you!!" exploded from my lips! "He's just lying to keep his ***** in line! It's been 10 years! Smart people run from fire! Are you stupid?" anger spat from my lips!
Her brow stiffened at in response. Acceptance of the situation contorted her face into a furious mask of rage! "How could I be so blind? I see it now! 10 years! How could I just take s***?! I'm leaving tomorrow!"
"Don't mention your plans." I cautioned her. "Use your anger to give you strength!"
"Oh, no worry there. I got the fire now! I'm moving far away, where he'll never think to look. I'm going to abandon my van first. It's jointly owned and could be traced."
And away! Simple as that! With her past energies paving the way, she got a great job right off the bat. Now she's happy and free!
1/3 of all homocides are committed by intimate partners.
U.S. Department of Justice.
You?
BEATINGS STOP!
http://www.zyworld.com/gentlewar/beatings_stop.htm
Deb worked hard to build up her dog training business. 10 years she worked, and slowly, the dedication and long hours paid off. Raising a child, and at the same time enduring beatings were a balancing act she put up with.
When we spoke, I mentioned that I worked with victims. "I get beat." came out nonchalantly, as if she were talking about the weather. "But he loves me, and promised to stop." an equally casual statement.
"Bulls***! He doesn't love you!!" exploded from my lips! "He's just lying to keep his ***** in line! It's been 10 years! Smart people run from fire! Are you stupid?" anger spat from my lips!
Her brow stiffened at in response. Acceptance of the situation contorted her face into a furious mask of rage! "How could I be so blind? I see it now! 10 years! How could I just take s***?! I'm leaving tomorrow!"
"Don't mention your plans." I cautioned her. "Use your anger to give you strength!"
"Oh, no worry there. I got the fire now! I'm moving far away, where he'll never think to look. I'm going to abandon my van first. It's jointly owned and could be traced."
And away! Simple as that! With her past energies paving the way, she got a great job right off the bat. Now she's happy and free!
1/3 of all homocides are committed by intimate partners.
U.S. Department of Justice.
You?
BEATINGS STOP!
http://www.zyworld.com/gentlewar/beatings_stop.htm
Deb worked hard to build up her dog training business. 10 years she worked, and slowly, the dedication and long hours paid off. Raising a child, and at the same time enduring beatings were a balancing act she put up with.
When we spoke, I mentioned that I worked with victims. "I get beat." came out nonchalantly, as if she were talking about the weather. "But he loves me, and promised to stop." an equally casual statement.
"Bulls***! He doesn't love you!!" exploded from my lips! "He's just lying to keep his ***** in line! It's been 10 years! Smart people run from fire! Are you stupid?" anger spat from my lips!
Her brow stiffened at in response. Acceptance of the situation contorted her face into a furious mask of rage! "How could I be so blind? I see it now! 10 years! How could I just take s***?! I'm leaving tomorrow!"
"Don't mention your plans." I cautioned her. "Use your anger to give you strength!"
"Oh, no worry there. I got the fire now! I'm moving far away, where he'll never think to look. I'm going to abandon my van first. It's jointly owned and could be traced."
And away! Simple as that! With her past energies paving the way, she got a great job right off the bat. Now she's happy and free!
1/3 of all homocides are committed by intimate partners.
U.S. Department of Justice.
You?
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Burton
 
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choose nice guys - 04-05-2005, 08:22 AM

When we spoke, I mentioned that I worked with victims. "I get beat." came out nonchalantly, as if she were talking about the weather. "But he loves me, and promised to stop." an equally casual statement.

I know plenty of decent guys how would never even raise their voice to a woman. Guys who would ask permission before even holding a woman's hand (in accordance with PC "date rape" prevention guidelines). Guys who are completely non-violent. And how do women treat such nice guys?

Like dirt.

Women reject them, rip them off, use them mercilessly.

If women gave decent guys a fraction of the attention that they currently give to violent guys, we would see an end to "violence against women."

You have a choice: choose nice guys.

Take the initiative, ask out nice guys, and treat them decently.
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04-13-2005, 01:15 PM

NO one *choses* to be beaten. You know, if these guys were starting off on the first date by punching the girl in the face, breaking her ribs and then threatening to do worse next time, while holding a knife to her throat, there probably wouldn't be so many women in abusive relationships. Because those guys wouldn't get so many 2nd dates.

But it doesn't start like that. It never starts like that. It starts with a lot of flattery, and attention and romance. Very often, it starts like a dream come true.

The violence doesn't usually start until she's deeper into the relationship, until she's really in love, and then it usually starts with something very small--maybe he grabs her arm too tightly while they're fighting. Maybe, in the middle of their first real argument, he "loses it" and punches a hole through the wall up to his elbow, but doesn't lay a finger on her. Maybe it just starts with small comments.

She doesn't leave that first time because she's so shocked. And he's so sorry, so genuinely sorry. He "doesn't know what came over him." He just "loves her so much." He promises it will "never happen again." And she trusts him. She's learned to trust him over the course of the months and or years they've spent together. He's never given her a reason not to before this.

And she thinks to herself, "We don't have THAT kind of problem. That's crazy! Not possible. He's so sweet and funny and kind, he's not THAT kind of guy. I've met his family. I know his friends. It was really just this once, I know, because I could tell how sorry he was. And besides, do I throw away a year of happiness and good times and love because he screwed up once? No way! He's human. He makes mistakes. And I'm definitely not THAT kind of woman."

And she gives him a pass, because she loves him, and she trusts him, and before that first time, he's never given her a reason not to.

Fast forward a few years and she's on her way home from the ER (for the 4th time) with a broken wrist, a broken rib, and a broken spirit. She's tried everything. She can't understand how it went so far or what went wrong. She remembers how in love they were. She sees their kids and is afraid to raise them without their father, but is maybe more afraid to raise them with their father.

And she's embarassed. And she's ashamed. And she knows that if she tells anyone why she's leaving that they'll all think she's a fool. And they'll all say things like "What the hell's wrong with you? Why'd you stay so long? You know, there's nice guys out there." And she can hardly bear the shame and the blame because she's been enduring shame and blame for so long now.

And she's just so damn tired. Tired of the beatings. Tired of the blame. Tired of the pain. Tired of the fighting. She's so tired that she might just be too tired to run away. Because she knows it won't stop when she leaves. She knows he'll find her: at her job/at her sister's/at her friend's/at her kids' school/at her parents'. And she knows that this is when it will get really bad, really scary.

She wonders if she has the energy. If she could even survive leaving.

Because she believes what he told her the last time. He told her that if she ever leaves, he'll kill her. And she believes him.

She believes him.


Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you're going to do now - and do it.

--William Durant--
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04-13-2005, 03:13 PM

I met a nice guy. I fell for a nice guy. Bought me roses, took me out, treated me like a queen everywhere. He would never touch me unless he asked me first.. the first time he kissed me, he told me it wouldn't ever be any worse than it was at that moment. and at that time it was heaven on earth for a 14 year old girl.

And then he turned into the monster that I ran from 10 years ago, and still look for over my shoulder in fear.

I remember thinking "he loves me, and he is trying to teach me something" when he would beat me.. Until he almost killed me.. then I realized it wasn't about love, it was about control, power and he was a sadistic s.o.b. I don't know why I stayed for as long as I did except because I was afraid.

I didn't ask for what he did to me, I didn't ask for everything else that came after that. No one ever asks for it...


To thine ownself be true: Peace, Love and Hope.. A
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can they change? - 04-13-2005, 05:28 PM

When it starts out small, and ends up big, can they change? Can they go back to the way they were? I have so many questions. Why can't it just be perfect? If it happens over and over, what do you do? Where do you go? I can hide from myself. I love to write, and that is mainly how I express my pain. Not by hurting someone else, but really hurting myself. Tearing myself down even when it's not my fault. So can it be different? Is it possible that they really won't keep doing the same thing? I need some answers.


INVISIBLE
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04-14-2005, 07:49 AM

Monica, I don't know if they can change. I don't know if any amount of therapy can stop those violent reflexes. But you don't have to be someone's guinea pig. You don't need to be the punching bag experiment to find out, you know?

If he *wants* to change and he *wants* to stop hurting you, then he'll take some huge, huge steps toward stopping. And he'll understand if you need to be away from him for a while, while he makes those changes, to protect yourself.

I'm sorry you're in pain and feeling so conflicted. No one deserves it, no matter what.

You *can* take the control back though. You *can* be in charge of your life again. But I know it's really scary and that, most of the time, it doesn't feel like you can. Just don't let anybody tell you what to do or what to think or what's right for you. YOU are the expert on your situation because you live it everyday. No one else knows what's really going on for you.

Good luck. Try to be safe.

Take care.


Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you're going to do now - and do it.

--William Durant--
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Burton
 
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04-24-2005, 09:39 PM

Quote:
I met a nice guy. I fell for a nice guy. Bought me roses, took me out, treated me like a queen everywhere. He would never touch me unless he asked me first.. the first time he kissed me, he told me it wouldn't ever be any worse than it was at that moment. and at that time it was heaven on earth for a 14 year old girl.
What are you doing falling in love at age 14?

By the way, according to the PC sexual rules set by feminists, men must ask women their permission at every step of the way. Now here we have an example where a guy did this, and lo and behold, this leads to violence. Can it be that feminists have no connection to reality?

Last edited by Burton : 04-24-2005 at 09:46 PM.
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Burton
 
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04-24-2005, 09:49 PM

Quote:
Fast forward a few years and she's on her way home from the ER (for the 4th time) with a broken wrist, a broken rib, and a broken spirit.
After the 1st time home from the ER she should have blown him off. She chooses to stay with someone she "loves" under these conditions? I do not see women having any problem blowing off guys who are non-violent.

Quote:
She's tried everything. She can't understand how it went so far or what went wrong. She remembers how in love they were. She sees their kids and is afraid to raise them without their father, but is maybe more afraid to raise them with their father.
Given the number of single parent families, and the way the child support system is rigged against men, it's not much of an issue these days.

Quote:
And she's embarassed. And she's ashamed. And she knows that if she tells anyone why she's leaving that they'll all think she's a fool. And they'll all say things like "What the hell's wrong with you? Why'd you stay so long? You know, there's nice guys out there." And she can hardly bear the shame and the blame because she's been enduring shame and blame for so long now.
i.e., she makes the stupidest possible choices and then blames others.

Quote:
She believes him.
Well, if she is going to be that gullible, what do you expect?
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04-26-2005, 08:10 AM

I've tried to refrain. I've tried to be patient. (You know what Burton, you might want to grab a dictionary if you're going to continue reading this post, because I have a feeling your vocabulary may be a tad limited.) I've tried to excuse the garbage and vitriol you spew to well-intentioned ignorance. But enough is enough. I have a few things to say to you, Burton

You are a sick, twisted misogynist of limited critical thinking abilities and even further limited compassion. I'm sick of reading your nasty, hurtful, antagonistic drivel on this site. This is not a political issue, it is not a feminist issue, it is a human issue. People like you are so pathetic, so ignorant and so misguided that I feel sorry for you and the small, distorted world that you inhabit.

You are one of those people who choose to speak first and think never. You have an abundance of comments on topics about which you are uneducated and uninformed. Your posts make it clear that you have a large and heavy chip on your shoulder when it comes to women. I'm sorry that your track record with members of the fairer sex is obviously so poor. Perhaps next time you should try opening your eyes and ears and mind more and your mouth less. You might just find you're able to inspire affection from another living human.

Good luck.


Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you're going to do now - and do it.

--William Durant--
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04-26-2005, 05:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by meaculpa
NO one *choses* to be beaten. You know, if these guys were starting off on the first date by punching the girl in the face, breaking her ribs and then threatening to do worse next time, while holding a knife to her throat, there probably would