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Reload this Page living in hell
View Poll Results: what is it to you?
living in fear 1 7.69%
never sleeping 0 0%
no one around 7 53.85%
wanting to die 5 38.46%
Voters: 13. You may not vote on this poll

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(#1)
Old
nothingness
 
Posts: n/a
11-12-2003, 01:31 PM

hey everyone. my name is michelle and i am new to this site. i have been suffering from depression for almost 6 years now. 7th grade was when it really started. it hit me that my abusive, alcoholic father wasn't going to come back into my life. i probably shouldn't have wanted him to come back, but he was still my father. i am a senior in high school now. i have to force myself to get good grades and accumulate my gpa. i do it cause i don't want to go back to the hospital. when i was a freshmen in high school i was raped by my boyfriend at the time. i thought it was all my fault, and to this day i still do. the flashbacks are still as intense as they were three years ago. i never told anyone until last month. i had been just cutting myself to take away the pain. but back to my freshmen year. one night while cutting at my wrist, there was so much blood that i had passed out. my mom found me took me to the hospital where they came to the conclusion that i had been suffering from depression and i was suicidal. the cops came and then transported me from the hospital to a psych ward. i fought the cops and tried to run away. i must have played my cards right cause in a week i was "ready to go home". my mother and all of my friends started paying more attention to me. wondering what i was doing when no one was with me. and i could do was sit there and laugh at them, and wonder why now? why are you caring now and not when it started? it took almost my death to get you to care. last month, i finally broke down, started crying hysterically at work one night and told my best friend justin what my ex-boyfriend had done. justin is the first guy i've trusted since i was raped. he talked with me about it, which made me feel a little better. after i was raped, i became pregnant, where i had a miscarriage. my mom found out two weeks ago what had happend when i ran away from home. she called the cops who found me a week later and brought me back home. we got into a fight and i got pissed off and told her everything. i told her she didn't know how i was feeling and how she doesn't care, or how it feels to be a statistic. then she told me i was a product of rape. that my father had forced her to concieve another child. so, once again my life is going nowhere. i have nothing ahead of me. no future. the only thing i see is the tunnel i am in. the tunnel or no light and no end. i think about suicide all the time, and i'm waiting for the day when i get the chance to do it, and not be interupted. no one knows how i feel. i don't even think they care. but, i thought i would just share my story with some people who might. feel free to email me. i'll keep you posted on how things go for me...thanks for listening. if you read to this point, you're one of a few who have actually listened and i thank you for that.
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(#2)
Old
Do i exist?
 
Posts: n/a
11-12-2003, 02:03 PM

Suicide is not the answer. You must never believe that it is. Your mother appears to have her own issues to deal with, no woman should tell her child she was nothing but a product of rape. Suicide is NOT the answer to your problems. No matter how bad you think it is you must stop hurting yourself. I myself care nothing for the hell I go through. No one should be alone. Whether you believe it or not someone will always care for you. A tunnel is always both entrance and exit. The night is always darkest before the dawn. Keep fighting. You have a future. No one can take that away from you. You make your future. What you make is your own decision.
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(#3)
Old
punkrocker4life
 
Posts: n/a
11-12-2003, 02:30 PM

hmm....suicide is never the answer...don't think you need to kill yourself just because you think you are alone in the world....i was watching a new good charolette video and it was talking about the survivors that tried to comit (i cant spell >.>) suicide, here are the lyircs....and i dedicate this song to michelle! btw names beth! im 11 and my mom is suffering depression too...it's hell for me, we fight alot!

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear


But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know


Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more


But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on


What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
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(#4)
Old
kirili is Offline
Member
 
Posts: 87
Join Date: Oct 2003
11-13-2003, 01:03 AM

Hold On Theres the link for that GC video (abov mentioned)

DON'T GIVE YP.
Talk to me.
Jeez grl


"Do you like to hurt?
I do. I do.
Then hurt me. Then hurt me."

You dragon
I can't see through you
Can you see through me?
Dragon
Come and envelope me
Make me look invincible too
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(#5)
Old
Lilgoth101
 
Posts: n/a
11-14-2003, 12:13 PM

[size=7][font=Impact][color=orange]
It is hard for me to think of the days I had a family.