11-08-2003, 05:25 PM
my birthday was yesterday, but i didn't feel like i deserved to be celebrated. in my mind, i'm not worth it. i hate myself. i'm alone and feel so empty inside.
none of my friends are there for me - not in the way i need them to be. no guy could ever like me - at least one that won't screw me over like those of the past. no one understands - even those who used to don't anymore, cuz they've moved on from their struggles while i'm still in hell.
i want to cut myself right now. (yes, i self-injure) my counselor says i should reach out to people, but no one's there. it sucks! now that i'm 18 i can decide for myself whether or not i will try anti-depressants, which offers me a little hope. but i'm tired of feeling like i live in a dream - like i am some kinda zombie. i want to stop being angry at everyone and everything, including myself. i can't put the pieces of my life together. i have no motivation to do such a thing, let alone to just do the simplest things like take care of my chores and schoolwork.
what else is there to do?! i don't feel alive. :unsure:
This heart is not a broken one,
but where have all the colors gone?
- Finger Eleven
you bled alone at the edge of reason.