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11-08-2003, 05:25 PM

my birthday was yesterday, but i didn't feel like i deserved to be celebrated. in my mind, i'm not worth it. i hate myself. i'm alone and feel so empty inside.

none of my friends are there for me - not in the way i need them to be. no guy could ever like me - at least one that won't screw me over like those of the past. no one understands - even those who used to don't anymore, cuz they've moved on from their struggles while i'm still in hell.

i want to cut myself right now. (yes, i self-injure) my counselor says i should reach out to people, but no one's there. it sucks! now that i'm 18 i can decide for myself whether or not i will try anti-depressants, which offers me a little hope. but i'm tired of feeling like i live in a dream - like i am some kinda zombie. i want to stop being angry at everyone and everything, including myself. i can't put the pieces of my life together. i have no motivation to do such a thing, let alone to just do the simplest things like take care of my chores and schoolwork.

what else is there to do?! i don't feel alive. :unsure:

This heart is not a broken one,
but where have all the colors gone?
- Finger Eleven

you bled alone at the edge of reason.
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11-08-2003, 09:01 PM

I might only be thirteen (13) years old...but..i understand wat u are fees i feel depressed...and i dont even have a sreason..i get pissed off at ppl,, and agian i dont even have a reason. Everything i do does not have a reason. And no guy will like me either...and i have a feeling there is a guy that will/does like u and wont screw u over.
I would say more...but honestly i dont even know wat to say...cuz normally i dont talk to ppl about anything..
for anyone reading this..if u would like to take the time to takl to me..or need to talk about sumthing to someone...heres how u can get ahold of me:
*through this website
*AIM- superkulmusic


And i also know how it feels to want to cut yourself and hurt yourself at every moment that u are living..even if u might feel semi- and ever so slightly happy...i want to...cuz i know iwat i am happy about is either a lie..or something fake..and no matter wat it will end and these short moments of time that show happiness dont add up to the amount that arnt happy...
well...i would say more...but i again...i feel weird talking..so..ya

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11-09-2003, 06:12 PM

i'm 19 and have been in and out of depression for the past 5 years or so. sometimes i feel exactly how you said you feel, like a zombie. like you walk around and go through the motions, but you aren't really there. it's really odd and somewhat frightening.

i would suggest trying some anti-depressants, just to see. and remember, even if you feel like your friends don't understand, others do. you are not alone.
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broken cup in the middle of the sea - 05-28-2006, 09:37 PM

try lucid dreaming. i used to have bad anxiety and now i just feel numb. doesnt seem like anything exists. uncontrollable randomness. thoughts that dont make any sense. i cant put words together, and somehow maybe this makes sense in a way that is complicated. and believe me, plenty of guys out there would go crazy for you, not that i know you, but im a guy and i know that some guys'll go crazy for just about anybody....... if that helps. i just realized you posted this in 2003, and its 2006. it happens. submitone.
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05-29-2006, 08:54 AM

I may only be 14 but i think i know how you feel. I get like that sometimes... just screaming at everyone and snapping at everyone. It sucks. The best thing that i could ever tell you to do, is find a friend that can understand how you feel. And i think this site is a good place to find us. If you ever need to talk to someone, I have MSN ((ambereversole@yahoo.com)), AOL ((Kourawa)) and, YIM ((torouh47@yahoo.com)). I'll be on alot in the summer time, so come and talk if you need to. I mean, thats what this fourm is all about right? us helping one another.

Tonight I hold a razor, and it happens to bare my name.
Tonight I hold a razor, and i happen to go insane.

I HATE YOU!! please dont leave me...
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05-29-2006, 07:39 PM

Oh wow... I feel the "exact" same as you, and have for almost all my life.

I also have very low self-esteem and find myself completely dissociated. I feel worthless most of the time, and that I don't deserve to be happy or have a good life. Nothing in particular has made me this way (I think... because I've thought it most of my life).

My mom doesn't understand why I am still depressed... she was clinically depressed for a few minutes but "got over it." Nobody understands why even though I go through intense therapy and have been hospitalized a few times, why I'm still hopelessly depressed and hate myself. I get compliments daily, but I never believe them. Ever.

I have also been screwed over by almost every guy I've dated (except for one, who was my best friend and we decided to try the dating thing out for a few days). The last guy cheated on me, and left me for that girl. I began to cut again, and so I am a self-injurer again, just as you say you are.

Somehow, though, hearing that someone else is going through almost the exact thing I am... sort of gives me hope (which I have none of lately). I know that this really didn't help in a way of giving advice, but just know that there are others out there like you. I know that we can get through this. <3
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