For the past 9 years of my life I've had a serious and I mean serious alcoholism problem. And no... not me, actually the inflictions of my father, my protector, my guardian, the template which I'm to base future relationships on. I've seen people throw the term around carelessly. But in actual fact, its nothing to mess with. Anybody who has a problem with alcoholism needs help. Fast.
Unfortunately I believe my dad is beyond repair, and I don't actually have a dad anymore. Well I've come to the realisation that I never did, because I can't for the life of me remember a decent conversation with a sober father. I had to disconnect myself after numrous times of getting hopeful and letting my guard down, then being disappointed and angry at both him and myself, for getting my hopes up again.
Loud noises and bangs make me feel sick because of the countless amount of times I've woken up in the middle of the night to him falling over, out of bed, down the stairs, ripping things (radiators from the walls, fireplace etc), kicking holes into our doors, smashing glasses, and fearing all of these times that hes going to smash his head in, knock his teeth out or break his neck. Now he didn't always intend to be violent- alot of these encounters happened because he couldn't stand or walk properly.
Try to imagine waking up in the middle of the night to the screams of your mother attempting to get your dad off the livingroom\bathroom\bedroom floor before he inevitably p*ssed himself.
We have an open fire in my house, and my dads drunkeness and neglect have led to our house nearly being set on fire 12 times :P so as you can imagine the fire brigade aren't too happy with us. We've also had ambulences here... alot, and the police even more so. (In fact I don't think we'll ever get taken seriously ever again.)
Now.... theres actually a ridiculous amount of sh*t to tell. And I've never written it down before, and to be honest theres no way I would know how to get ALL of it out but the above is just a taste of what alcoholism can be like.
My dad was a troubled man with an abusive childhood who vowed never to be the father that his own was, but look what happened.
If YOU find yourself turning to drink to drown your sorrows or hide the past, I'd like you to stop and think about the effect it has on other people around you. You may think that you'll never get really bad, but you actually don't really have much of a choice biologically in whether or not you will get addicted. My dad used to be a gentleman, he serenaded my mum and they fell in love, had children. He got a job as a computer engineer and earned quite a bit for it. He had alot of pride, was physically fit (had weights out the back, went cycling, swimming and running), owned a motorbike, read alot and was VERY intelligent BUT alcohol IS a drug. One accepted by society. So easy to come by. Hes suffered FIVE alcohol-induced seizures (these have NO link whatsoever to genes because nobody in the family has ever suffered from seizures), his liver is messed up beyond repair, suffers from ALOT of stomach ulcers and he's caused so much mental destruction that I now believe that he has psychopathic tendencies. Although I'm not going to go on anymore about my own personal situation.
FYI- I'm not against drinking and have gotten drunk a few times with my friends, but somtimes you need to take a break, stop, chill.
Alcoholism is very stigmatised and avoided, even on FTI. Rarely do I see people posting about alcoholism and rarely do I hear people admit they have a problem. Its not really understood by many either. The minute you start bringing the bottle to your lips to drown out your pain, well.... your creating a positive association to something thats actually poisonous and does more damage in the long-term. So i urge you not to do this where possible.
Counselling (however proud or scared you may be) REALLY helps and is available practically ANYWHERE and for free or a low price!
If you are the son/daughter/brother/sister/cousin/mother/father etc.... of an alcoholic and want to share your experiences or need any advice, please do not hesitate to post here in the alcoholism section in fti. Also I would love to be of any help- you can pm me
Please- DON'T TURN TO THE BOTTLE. A majority of you will probably not know of the long-term damage it can do.