[Leeli]

Ok well, 7 years ago when i was 14 my dad died, it was bad obviously, went to counselling and everything, got help done

now, im at uni and have an amazing bf,
Recently my brother told me my dad killed himself and i feel completly lost
i have trust issues with my bf, i completely worry if hes out or if hes late coming up my house because i think something has happend to him or hes with someone else or lying to me. He told me that he understands, but say i need to stop comparing him too my dad, i realise i do compare him, the feelings of love i have for him, i feel if i lost him then i would feel the same pain. i sometimes in my mind have thought " if i was sick then he would show how much he loved me" which is crazy because i know he does.

I feel totally F*cked up just now

[paws]

i'm so sorry to hear about your dad
have you explained all this to your boyfriend, about you dad too? maybe you should. it might help him understand more.

also, it might be a good idea to go back to counselling if you are able to. it sounds as though this recently discovery about your dad has set you back quite a lot, and it can be good to talk this over *hugs* you've already had a good experience with conselling services, so i think you should make use of them again

Cat xx

[Rubyslipperslg]

Loosing someone you love is very hard, but then finding out that they committed suicide could probably leave you with feelings of hurt, anger and guilt. I was helping out at Girl Scouts when i noticed this lady and her daughter. I made a note to myself that the lady seemed sad and that maybe I could help her by spending some time with her daughter and taking her daughter to spend time with my family. Well then I moved away and a year later I found out the lady had committed suicide and brought her daughter with her. Very sad. I sometimes feel guilty about moving and wishing i had been there to help her and would the story ended better, I don't know.

Anyway, yes, talk to your b/f about your feelings and tell him that you are hoping to learn to trust people again. And yes, counselling will help too. Good luck and hugs.

[Leeli]

hey guys, thanks for the replies

yeah it is really hard just now, one minute im on a high and feel happy next min im so low that i feel like i want to hurt myself, but i always manage to come round from that. went to the docs as ive still nt been to my counsellor, and he has put me on mild anti depressents, feel quite ashamed about that

MY bo yfriend is amazing tho, i put him through so much and hes still sticking by me, like i went to the docs today to talk about what was going on and he waited in the waiting room, even said he would come in with me for support, then took me home, stayed a few hours to make sure i was ok. He is the best, i know our relationship isnt perfect but i stress the little things, like if he decides he not to come see me i take it as a personal insult when maybe he is just too tired. He gets so hurt when i doubt him , like when i told him today not to tell anyone i was at the docs and hes given me pills he was like....why do u even need to tell me that, u know to trust me, i hate hurting him....but its not him tho its me and my lack of trust and selfesteem just now, sometimes when im going really down i think hes cheating which is MAD because i know he loves me to death and wouldnt do anything to hurt me!

I feel like im going mad sometimes!!

[paws]

i do similar things - i over-react to everything, yet my boyfriend sticks with me. i guess it's a testimony to just how much he loves me.
and just how much you're boyfriend loves you

cat x
ps. there's nothing to be ashamed about with the antidepressants they're just a helping hand