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Joy yellow's Avatar
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I'm screwed up - 02-21-2007, 07:38 AM

[COLOR=Yellow][FONT=Century Gothic]I know this is going to sound weak and pathetic but I'll write it anyway. I don't like myself. I hate all the stupid things I've done. I hate all the times I let some guy f@ck me just because I wanted somebody to care. I regret all the drugs I tried just to find a moment of peace. I'm upset that doctors put me on meds that don't help. I can't listen to my mom tell me just get out of bed and live. Like it's really that easy. My heart is not a heart it's hole full of pain.It's hard to love me I'm to screwed up. I scare everyone away. I'm to wierd or crazy that's what guys say about me. I'm in college now shouldn't things be different. my mom says I should be more grown up now. I don't know what I should be all I know is what I feel. I feel like the worst person on the planet. I cry all the time. Everytime I reach out for help I end up feeling worse than before.[/font][/color]
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02-21-2007, 08:05 AM

It doesn't sound weak or pathetic at all. A lot of people have been or are still going through the same kinds of feelings.

I have to sign out now but I'll send you a PM later.

Rather die in your arms than die lonesome Rather die half than die hollow The higher that I climb, the deeper I fall down I'm running out of time so let's dance while we're waiting.

I miss you Sha, and alll of your family, I hope I get to see you all again, even if just once. God bless.
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02-21-2007, 08:13 AM

hey, at least you have found the strength to ask for help, *hug* if you need anything feel free to send me a pm or an e-mail
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02-21-2007, 08:37 AM

I know exactly what youre going through. I had a serious problem with depression and SI..my boyfriend at the time kept telling me that "i had no reason to feel this way" or "you need help" or "why do you gotta do that to yourself?" etc.
asking repetitive questions and not helping me at all. never understanding or listening, but i put up with it because i was so convinced he cared....
after he left, i fell apart.
I wanted the intimacy, feeling of closeness. i had some one night stands that i beat myself up over...
as for the drugs, the only thing i ever did was weed, nd it was cool...but i cant anymore...ugh.
ive never been on meds once in my life. i figured "hey, i made it this far without them..."
every person is different, nd i know that they've helped ALOT of people, but they aint for me...so no offense to anyone who is taking meds.
anyway, as for your mom telling you to get out of bed? well....maybe you could try to do something you like doing. not necessarily social, but something you can do by yourself to take your mind off your problems for a little while....?
I daydream alot. and i like to read alot too.
When i was younger, i went through something very traumatic, and novels were my escape.....
PM me if you want to talk, k?


Much Love,

[There is darkness in every heart] Ansem- Kingdom Hearts

[As for that abomination, It is the flawed product of a deranged mind. It has no place among us] Grand Councilwoman- Lilo&Stitch

If you lose hope, you will lose everything...

Misdirection is the key to victory, never attack what your enemy defends, never behave as your enemy expects, and never reveal your true strengths, if knowledge is power, to be unknown is to be unconquerable.
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