Something random

i wonder if they make pills for ppl who just ... idk...
ppl who are self centered, ignorant. vindictive.
and just love attention.
ppl who love drama. so they create it just cos their bored with there own life.
or ppl who care to much what others think.
i dont think so.
but if they did. i think i would buy some,
idk... i dont even know who i am anymore.
im so lost and confused.
and everyone will probablyhate me for admiting this out loud. but yeah.. idk.. im bored. and i feel like typing.
im bad... im sssssooooo bad.
i wish i could stop.
but i dont think i can.
or maybe i just dont want to.
my friends think im just sad all the time for no reason.
or they they think i just do it for attention.
idk why i do it.
but maybe their right.
wait.. what im saying doesnt make sense.
ok.. maybe i should say the whole story.
****... its a long story.
lol.. umm.. sssoooo... i have this friend.. named.. T
and i was bored like on fri. so i told t lets do something.
he said he was with A.
now the thing about that that pissed me off so much is that he is always with him. i can undrstand that thats his friend and whatnot. but does he always have to be with the guy.
i hardley ever see t cos he spends too much time with a.
anyways. so he tells me that hes with him and im all like why dont we ever hang out.
thats when t tells me that im boring.
and i never have anything interesting to talk about.
and im like then why are we friends
he says idk.
so im all like fine then. i guess im a bad friend.
so then i get depressed and go all emo.
and he says i should just stop it. and find somthing better to do.
but its too late. the thoughts have already begun.
and i think i wanna killmyself.
so i tell t.
im gonna killmyself.
he doesnt believe me.
so im like whatever.
next day he txted me and said i've been too quiet.
but i dont respond.
so i think he thinks i actually killed myself.
i mean.. i could just tell him im not dead.,
but i want him to think im dead.
and i think this is how you can tell the differencebetween someone who really cares and someone who doesnt. cos i think if he was really concerned he would have called and he didnt. im guessing he told my other friend M tho. cos she called.. like 3 times.
but i didnt answer.
then i guess she told S cos then he txted me. i didnt respond.
then he sent me like.. this wird txt message that asked me why i was ignoring him. idk what that was about.
but i didnt respond. then the rest of the day passed without me talking to any of my friends. and like somewhere around 9 he txted me
and finnally i tell him im dead. but i reffered to myself as in a 3rd person. so i dont think he knows it was me. so then my other friend Sm. called me like 3 times and i didnt answer. i went to bed.
the next day no one txted me.
but randomly my other friend L txted me.
its like... when one person doesnt reach me.
they tell someone else to call me and see if i respond.
but i dont wanna talk to them.
i want them to think im dead.
and yea... this may sound mean and ****ed up.
but it really isnt.
they dont care.
they never cared. i mean nothing to them.
your probably thinking. if they didnt care. them why did they call.
well.. idk. but i can tell you that they only called that one day.
and real friends wouldnt give up so easily.
i mean... i guess this is my way of pushing everyone away.. so i wont have to worry about all the other crap that comes with being friends with ppl.
and if im dead they'll just go on with there life like i never exsisted.
i mean... this may sound childish or whatever.
but being dead makes me happy