a new day

Tonight all I can think about is my baby, the little child that never saw the light of day. I still have that first pregnancy test in my cupboard. Those two little blue lines signaling the end of the life I know and the begining of someone elses life. I loved that child; I wasn't ready to meet them, but I was willing to give up all I know to make a life that they could be proud of. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know how to trust or believe. The loss of someone you love leaves a scar. But to lose a loved one before you could even meet them... how can that that wound ever form a scar? How can it heal enough to become a scar? It is always raw; still bleeding, still weeping. There are times I feel that I can forget, but then I feel the embrace of a child with open brown eyes. He would have looked like his father with eyes that radiate warmth. He would have thought like his mother, with a mind that never accepts what is known.

I drink every night. The urge to cut slips into my mind. Tears rarely fall, but they build yp within me - straining to escape and rush into life.

How can you miss someone you never met?

How can you cry for the child you never knew?

But I do... I cry for you.