pain.
There wasn't any thought put into this,
I always knew it would come to this.
It's been a year, one whole, long year.
One year at 11:14, which I saw, everyday, for no reason, just a compulsion.
One year, a whole year... A whole year...
In that year, I lost Ray, then James, and maybe Justin, maybe, and Kaedyn went missing, or, rather, fled... Which I guess, I would have done too, in his situation, but he can go **** himself, and I really don't care about him any more, he'll get what's coming to him.
A whole year, and I haven't done anything... A whole year of just getting stoned and dying slowly... A waste of a year.
A whole year, and I may have said his name twice... I can talk about Ray and Jamie... but not him....
A whole year, and ... It's been a year.
Eventually, I'll forget their voices, their faces, I'll forget how James painted, and Ray sang, and how he played guitar... I'll forget the things we did, I'll forget the house, the fires, the good times and the bad... And they'll fade...
His ****ing mom wouldn't let me have his guitar, she wanted to sell it. She wanted to sell all that was left of her son. But she probably would have sold him if she could.
I can't even right his name, because I'm terrified of how it looks...
I'm just terrified. Of the future, of the present. I don't want to go forward, nothing ever gets better.
I always say it will, but it hasn't, and won't.
So why not just go through life, happy and stupid, just ****ing out of this ****ing universe, and visit other dimentions. Nothing is real anyway...
|
06-13-2009 04:55 PM