the real me

Everything is going fine..
My cuts are fading..
I still can't help myself to stop thinking about what other people think of me though. It's one of the things that makes me feel worthless even though it doesn't make sense. I guess I'll try to lock myself up in a room again with nothing else but schoolbooks. I've promised myself that I'll get at leats some B's at my finals, not that it's ever going to happen

At the moment I'm happy (^v^)
I know it's not a good thing and it might bring me back to where I started, but I've lost some weight and it just made me feel so great.
As long as my mom doesn't keep talking about losing weight I'll be fine.

I just have to keep in shape (if that's even possible) and study like a madman, it's the only way for me to finish everything. I'm worried though that it might go wrong and I'll overdo it.

I told my friends not to send me summaries about history.. Since I didn't help to make them I don't deserve to use them either.

I don't like holidays, it gives me too much time to think, too many opportunities to keep myself from eating since I don't need the energy. (I do at least eat one meal a day)
I hope this holiday will be at least a bit different..

x
kyrena

(edit) I almost forgot o.o I'm 8 (almost 9) days without cutting =3
at times it can be really hard though since cutting would solve it so much easier than just dealing with it.
I can now visualize where it went wrong in my life. Everytime I try to remember where it went wrong I see myself locked up in a dark room huddled in a corner. Sadly enough that was really a part of my life. I try very har not to remember anything from when I was 11 or younger, too much pain I guess..