bekkles's Blog

*Sigh* I went to work the other day after fasting most of the day... And I knew that a binge was coming. And I desperately needed to talk to someone... someone who couldn't do anything, who it wouldn't matter if I told them. So I told my co-worker. I've only worked with him a few times, and I don't usually get shifts with him, so I figured it wouldn't matter. I work at Subway, so I work with food...

Lately I have been quite fortunate as to have virtually no appetite, though I'm not entirely sure why... so my body can demand a good binge as much as it likes, cuz I simply cannot eat. Well, my appetite did actually come back for a couple of days this week, and I tried to fast, ended up binging, but I binged so much that I a) thought I was going to die and b) could barely eat the next day (which...

stop filling your face.
stop stuffing your face.
stop filling your face.

she made me feel guilty... "why don't you stop stuffing your face and come and do these dishes?" ... and when I feel bad, I can't bear the thought of eating. Stop stuffing your face. Cuz in the end, I'm just a "lazy ****ing ***** who doesn't give a **** about anyone except myself". And why should I get to eat? Jums, she...

It's a disease, and it's unpleasant... but I don't know if I can give it up.
And seeing the way others struggle, seeing how they think the same way that I do, and seeing how others have failed to give it up... it makes me depressed. Becuz I figure, well, in the end I really don't have any control, do I? And even when I thought I had stopped... well, who could tell anyway? I go through the cycle ...