posted 07-30-2008 06:30 PM by
I've pretty much sorted it all out now, all the emotions and complicatedness.
He has a girlfriend.
She's never there (busy schedule - a lot of "commitments," but he's not one of them).
He needs a lot of support because he's sensitive (artiste, pianist). And because he's prolly suffering PTSD after the near-death by heart attack of his father last year, and the actual deaths of a close family friend, and a close personal friend (in quick succession), and the recent death of his grandfather. So yes. he's quite fragile.Though normally a fairly happy and well-balanced individual, he is prone to bouts of despair, depression, melancholy... all that. Basically he sits with this horribly sad look on his face feeling miserable, and often doesn't even know why, and just has to sit and wait for it to pass. I noticed this and felt the need to be supportive.
Now, I want to support him completely and all... but it becomes difficult what with the fact of his having a girlfriend. Because love knows no partiality. And it is not doing either of us any favours. He feels like crap because on the one hand he wants to be faithful to his girlfriend, who he apparently likes very muchly (it's coming up to a month since he last saw her, a week since he last spoke to her... all cuz she's so busy all the time. The sad thing? That's normal for them). But on the other hand, I'm the only who's physically there, supporting him emotionally. And for me, it's just very difficult to deal with the fact that while I can devote myself to him entirely, at the end of the day he still has his girlfriend.
So I think that basically what needs to happen is either a) he lets go of the gf and I can look after him properly, or b) I pretend like I don't care, and make myself blind to his suffering, and withdraw from the friendship enough that it becomes a normal one like any other. He has so far chosen to keep his girlie, and I just have to respect that choice... but it's not going to be easy. How do you force yourself to stop caring??? But I believe that love is a choice (anything else is just lust, fickle emotions which subsequently pass and leave a couple on the rocks, and eventuating in them splitting up because they've lost that "spark"). So maybe one can "choose" not to love?
life is so fricken' complicated!