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When Tomorrow Comes

Creation Date: 01-23-2008 01:47 PM

..trying to find the will to live.

I am now 36 weeks pregnant... My due date is in three and a half weeks... I'm supposed to be happy with my life, I'm supposed to be 'glowing' and ecstatic....but I'm not. I can barely find the strength to get out of bed in the morning, and most days I just don't bother anymore.


September - When this all started last year, I was going through a break-up... I dumped my boyfriend because I f...


..... I don't know what to do...

I'm 6 and a half months pregnant... I knew as soon as I found out that it would be hard not to be sucked back into old habits and emotions; given the extra hormones... And I've tried hard to fight the depression that wants nothing more than to come creeping back in... but I can't fight it anymore, I just can't...

My mind is in a whirl of thoughts and fears; emotions and paranoia.

I keep g...


As it turns out... Love wont conquer all.

Falling back in love with someone you're supposed to hate, and hates you... is possibly one of the most excruciating feelings.....

I was with her for a year... A whole year of my life.... She was my everything, my first love, my first girlfriend, my first everything... I always felt like i was living in some sort of ecstasy-filled world... nothing could ever touch me... i trusted her with my l...


Sept 5th 09

School started...
It's bringing me right back down where I was...
Eating habits are worse...
Derealization keeps coming back...



Aug 21 09

... For the past few days I've really wanted to cut.
I haven't in two months.
My girlfriend told me to stop... And I did.

She told me to stop a month or so after we started seeing each other.
I did, but then I caved and cut.
And once more after that, I cut again.
After that I stopped for two and a half months...
And then I cut again.
And now I've stopped again.
But I feel the urge ...


Aug 16 09 -- Consumed In Paranoia...

Life feels pretty regular lately...
But. I keep having these major mood swings... and my eating habits have gone down a bit.
Like, one moment I can feel like I'm flying above everything, and feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
And a moment later;
I'm convinced that nothing will turn out for the best, that my girlfriend will leave me, or that I'm making her life miserable...
I don't kno...


Aug 14 09

Well. I didn't do as I intended.
I did not bring up anything at the doctors, like I know I should have. The opportunity arose many times, but not once did I seize it. *sigh*
She asked, "So, do you have any other health concerns?"
I simply shook my head.
What a ****-up am I.
My depression deepens and continues to plight day by day.
I know the reason I didn't confront anyb...


July 23 09 -- Nearing The End

... I... Am so lost ..
Things could be so much worse than they actually are. I mean I DO eat. Just not a lot. I have a lunch... And usually some dinner... But apparently my efforts are nearly enough.
I feel so alone.
And... Dead. Numb even.
All the time.
I have no reason to.
I just... am..
I feel so completely alone all the time. Even with company, I feel as though I'm the only one there.....


April 11 09

Long time, no blog... Aha...
Lifes mostly okay.
I have a girlfriend. For real, this time. Weve been together... A bit more than a month... Since the end of February, I can say. Heh.
She makes me pretty happy... Helps me heal... Shes made me stop cutting. Makes sure I eat.
She watches out for me a lot.
And Im pretty thankful for her...
But I do have a lot of **** going on, and ...


Feb 23 09