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When Tomorrow Comes

Creation Date: 01-23-2008 01:47 PM

..trying to find the will to live.

I am now 36 weeks pregnant... My due date is in three and a half weeks... I'm supposed to be happy with my life, I'm supposed to be 'glowing' and ecstatic....but I'm not. I can barely find the strength to get out of bed in the morning, and most days I just don't bother anymore.

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September - When this all started last year, I was going through a break-up... I dumped my boyfriend because I f...

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..... I don't know what to do...

I'm 6 and a half months pregnant... I knew as soon as I found out that it would be hard not to be sucked back into old habits and emotions; given the extra hormones... And I've tried hard to fight the depression that wants nothing more than to come creeping back in... but I can't fight it anymore, I just can't...

My mind is in a whirl of thoughts and fears; emotions and paranoia.

I keep g...

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As it turns out... Love wont conquer all.

Falling back in love with someone you're supposed to hate, and hates you... is possibly one of the most excruciating feelings.....

I was with her for a year... A whole year of my life.... She was my everything, my first love, my first girlfriend, my first everything... I always felt like i was living in some sort of ecstasy-filled world... nothing could ever touch me... i trusted her with my l...

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Sept 5th 09

School started...
It's bringing me right back down where I was...
Eating habits are worse...
Derealization keeps coming back...
....
Meh.

.x...x.

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Aug 21 09

... For the past few days I've really wanted to cut.
I haven't in two months.
My girlfriend told me to stop... And I did.

She told me to stop a month or so after we started seeing each other.
I did, but then I caved and cut.
And once more after that, I cut again.
After that I stopped for two and a half months...
And then I cut again.
And now I've stopped again.
=/
But I feel the urge ...

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Aug 16 09 -- Consumed In Paranoia...

Life feels pretty regular lately...
But. I keep having these major mood swings... and my eating habits have gone down a bit.
Like, one moment I can feel like I'm flying above everything, and feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
And a moment later;
I'm convinced that nothing will turn out for the best, that my girlfriend will leave me, or that I'm making her life miserable...
I don't kno...

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Aug 14 09

Well. I didn't do as I intended.
I did not bring up anything at the doctors, like I know I should have. The opportunity arose many times, but not once did I seize it. *sigh*
She asked, "So, do you have any other health concerns?"
I simply shook my head.
What a ****-up am I.
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My depression deepens and continues to plight day by day.
I know the reason I didn't confront anyb...

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July 23 09 -- Nearing The End

... I... Am so lost ..
Things could be so much worse than they actually are. I mean I DO eat. Just not a lot. I have a lunch... And usually some dinner... But apparently my efforts are nearly enough.
I feel so alone.
And... Dead. Numb even.
All the time.
I have no reason to.
I just... am..
I feel so completely alone all the time. Even with company, I feel as though I'm the only one there.....

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April 11 09

Well...
Long time, no blog... Aha...
Lifes mostly okay.
I have a girlfriend. For real, this time. Weve been together... A bit more than a month... Since the end of February, I can say. Heh.
She makes me pretty happy... Helps me heal... Shes made me stop cutting. Makes sure I eat.
She watches out for me a lot.
And Im pretty thankful for her...
But I do have a lot of **** going on, and ...

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Feb 23 09

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ERASED.

.x...x.

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