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Reload this Page ..... I don't know what to do...

When Tomorrow Comes

Creation Date: 01-23-2008 01:47 PM
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..... I don't know what to do...

I'm 6 and a half months pregnant... I knew as soon as I found out that it would be hard not to be sucked back into old habits and emotions; given the extra hormones... And I've tried hard to fight the depression that wants nothing more than to come creeping back in... but I can't fight it anymore, I just can't...

My mind is in a whirl of thoughts and fears; emotions and paranoia.

I keep getting jealous and worried that my boyfriend will leave me for someone else because I'm so emotional and clingy lately... Which I can't control...

I'm completely consumed in paranoia over having this baby... Neither my boyfriend or I have a job... He's been "looking" for months but hasn't found anything... We have less than three months until this baby gets here and we have nothing, we haven't even started looking for apartments......

He's always out with friends or his female friends, which doesn't help with my paranoia... He told me he'd stop drinking, smoking or doing anything of the sort until the baby is born... But then he took it back and started smoking again, even though I told him I'm not comfortable with it right now...

We argue a lot... We never spend any real time together, we just stay in the house together but he'll be on the computer all day...... He doesn't make me feel loved or special or okay.. He doesn't comfort me when I'm in pain or upset or angry...

He tells me how much I mean to him, that he loves me more than anything.. And he tells me he wants to spend his future with me and someday get married... but then when we're together there's..nothing there, he just sits around and plays videos games... and I try to kiss him or snuggle with him and he doesn't do anything.....

I have no friends left, because I'm home all day... And I don't really have anything in common with my old friends anymore... I feel so alone, and I can't stand it...

Everyday for weeks, as soon as I'm alone I cry... Everyday I feel anxious or paranoid... Everyday I feel completely helpless and alone... And I have nobody to talk to about it... I keep having this strong urge to cut, which I haven't done since last summer.... I don't want to go back into that habit for so many reasons.. It would upset my boyfriend, I'd get in trouble with my doctor.. And I just don't want to start with that again... But everyday it gets harder and harder to fight........ I feel so lost, I don't know that to do......


"How can I believe; when this cloud hangs over me..." __ Forget it.

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