posted 09-06-2011 12:20 PM by
A Cutting Theory...
Originally Submitted by insideiamdying on Tue.09.14.10 12:56pm
Cutting. Cutting is not just a cry for help externally, but internally. You cut to say what you are afraid to speak to others. You want them to help you. But more so, you are trying to get your body to fix itself. In a way itís like you are subconsciously saying ďOk body, I donít know how you work, but I am Ďbrokení (different), and itís not getting better. You need to wake up and heal me, fix me, make me ok again.Ē Or you remember your life before a trauma, and you are again subconsciously convinced that something inside you has changed, and by trying to heal yourself, you are trying to restore yourself to happiness.
But it doesnít work. The relief you feel always fades away too fast.
The cut heals, yet you still suffer, so you keep doing it, more often, bigger, harder, and now you are convinced that something is wrong, but maybe if you kick up your immune system it will fix this big problem inside of you or if you keep doing it your silent cries of help will be heard, but again the relief is only temporary, and once again youíve fooled yourself so that the next morning you have to face the fact that you are still in inner-agony! You keep pushing harder to the edge each time because you want it to stop, you want some permanent solution, and youíre hoping it will reach the height of itís terrible power and you will finally go tumbling off , finding a permanent relief that lasts.
But maybe you cut for a different reason. Maybe everything in your life is going to hell, and you are seeking control. You pour all your emotional energy into the cut and the pain it causes, and it takes you away from the pain you cant control that stems from around you and deep inside yourself. By pouring all your feelings into your wound, you are hoping they will leave you just as surely as the cut heals. Cutting to you is about controlling what you can instead of facing what you cant.
Relief and control. They help rule our lives. Relief gives you the strength to go on, to balance out your world. Control gives you stability, something to hold onto. But when you cut, it never lasts. Why? Itís pro