posted 08-13-2007 06:21 PM by
Secrets&&Lies
I don’t actually know the date, or I'd put it here.. :\ It’s some time in August. 
Ooh, and it’s Saturday night/Sunday morning. That’s as much as I know, haha! Well, give me a break I'm in the middle of my Summer Holidays right now, so I don't keep track.
I’m so excited to be doing this! Hehehehe.
Eek, sorry guys, I bet I seem like a right nut job?
It’s 3am UK time, and I haven’t slept properly for about a week so I’m not exactly sane at the mo! ;P
I don't actually know anyone on here well, at all, cos, like, I only joined up, well, I dunno, not long ago. So, I’m gonna go from you guys not knowing a thing about me, to knowing way more than you’d care to! ;P I have a slight tendency to absolutely bare my soul to complete strangers. So, here goes. Hehe!
Hmm, I dunno why I'm all hyper actually. I’m starting to think that I make myself hyper to cover up how crap I feel. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I’m not all that bothered anyway.
I’ve had like the worst day ever. Let’s see..
After 10hours sleep (though it did nothing and I felt like I hadn’t slept at all) I woke up at 1pm. I thought, oh, okay, I’ll go on the computer. You know, MSN a few people, all that business. So I get downstairs and the computer will not let me on the internet. You see, we have the dodgiest internet connection in all the world, and it just randomly kicks me off for hours at a time. So, I was sat bored out of my mind until it came on (I refused to move out of pure principle) and I finally got on at 4:30!! 3 ½ hours later!
Then, I’d been online for all of ten minutes and mum decided she wanted to go on. And when my mum wants something she gets it. so I was kicked off.
And then we went shopping because I need new shoes for my holiday (next week – I’m terrified. I’ve gotta wear a bikini. I dunno if I’ll manage it...) and new school trousers. Shoes are fine, I love shoes and shopping for them is ace, especially when I’m not paying! But then we got to the trousers. I was totally distraught because I’ve gone up a size. That may make me sound really vain, but, to be honest, I’ve never been in any way skinny, and at the moment I’m doing all I can to eat normally. Everyone told me I’d be fine and everything, but I’m gaining weight... What’s going on there? I mean, it’s not really an incentive for me to eat properly, is it?? Because, I was NEVER under-weight or anywhere near it, so it’s not like I need to put the weight on.
Anyway, after that, I just kinda mooched about, mum was on the computer again, so I still couldn’t get on. I finally got online at like, 7:30 or something. I was well annoyed. I then went on to have the longest rant in the history of all rants to one of my friends. She did what she could to help, but I was totally off in my own thoughts.
And now it’s 3:15, and I’m doing everything I can to keep myself awake. Because when I go to bed, I’ll go “ding” and be wide-awake. And then I’ll lay there thinking only of wanting to cut and stuff. – And I haven’t for over a week, which may sound like nothing, but it’s a big thing for me!
Thing that’s about it. Sorry if this made no sense at all - though I'd be surprised if anyone has read as far as this, lol! 
Love,
Emma xxx
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