posted 03-08-2009 09:10 AM by
Haven't been here in the longest time. Just wrote something and posted it in the Poem section so thought I'd pop over here too. I bet nobody even remembers me.
I'd love to report that after all this time I'm good. Truth is, I'm not. I got better. I did. Then I got worse, hah. I'm not seeing a counsellor and Psychiatrist every week. Last friday my Psychiatrist basically just asked me to stay alive until my next appt on Tuesday. He's basically a short step away from sectioning me, even though I'm not actively suicidal. None of them get that, I don't wanna die. I just.... Well I don't wanna live either.
I still have black moments of total depsair. And a lot of them. I also have very very up moments, which has lead my Psych to thinking I'm Bipolar. I dunno, we'll see.
I'm completely and utterly in love with a boy. I hate myself for it. He has a girlfriend and plays me. But I can't stop. Everytime he's near me I absoloutley melt. It doesn't help that everyone always tells me how it's clear he likes me too and we'd be an amazing couple!
I've managed to retain a few friends, miraculously. I've been a nightmare lately. Moodswings, ***** fests. I'll randomly turn on someone and make them feel ****. And yet still, they're there for me. I don't really deserve it.
I rarely cry, as in, never. And yet I've cried twice in the past week. Things have clearly got beyond what I can cope with, and I've coped with a lot.
I dunno what I'm doing really, typing this. I just remember when I used to come on here everyday and rant, and it made me feel good. To let some stress off my shoulders. Who knows, maybe I'lln start posting regularly again and it'll have the same effect.