posted 01-24-2008 03:40 PM by
i dont know where to start. so i guess ill start at the beginning...
so. on november 29 1993 i was born and named jennifer elyse cuny. everything was perfect from there on out. i had alot of friends, people liked me and my mom and dad were together.
but when i was 9, my parents got a divorce, and my mom started verbally abusing me when i was 11. and my dad died on..lets call it "valentines eve"... of 2005. i started cutting when i saw an episode of degrassi, in which ellie started cutting herself. and i wanted to try it. at first, i would just use a knife, and it would be so shallow it only left red marks. teachers became suspicious and called home. my mom found out and took my knife that i hid in my room. by then, it was a daily ritual and only for attention. i wasnt depressed. and i wasnt "scene" or "emo". that was marilyn mansons doing. when i came into 6th grade, i was still wearing velvet pants and bright t-shirts, a classic geek look. and i was now cutting myself because i missed my dad, because my mom hit me, and because i was turning into one of those people that preps hate. logan and morgan, the only twins and the most popular girls in my school, used to be my best friends. and now they ignored me. because they were now popular. and my life was down the tubes. especially when i was almost raped by my best friends dad, who had raped her since she was 8. my life was hell.
7th grade, last year-- i learned who marilyn manson was by watching an episode of family guy in which chris joins a rock band, who idolize marilyn manson. so i looked him up, and fell in LOVE with him. he was the single sexiest man i had ever seen. i fell in love with him and became obsessed. i started wearing black and i started cutting myself with a really sharp knife. nobody liked me and the abuse from my mom escalated to the point where i tried to kill myself because of it. i was put into a hospital called river park in march of 2007. i stayed there for 2 weeks before i was realsed for saftey reasons. the girls there would jump me because they hated me and my lifestyle. that was the only time i truely felt unwanted. <br>
8th grade--currently i am using a blade to cut my wrists. the only person i can rely on is my best friend amanda ransford, who iv never even met, and who i am currently in LOVE with. life with my mom is worse than ever and i am more "emo" then ever.
i really hate myself
and this is me now::