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Whole lot of Nothing

Creation Date: 08-14-2007 02:02 AM

I am just an out of control messed up girl. I'm a whole lot of nothing. I've been a cutter, an alcoholic, and had too much experience with drugs. I have eating disorders that won't quit. My dad abused me and I've been date raped. I was in an illegal realtionship at 15 that wasn't consensual. I've been a worse mess with my eating disorder since the date rape and my statitory situation. I'm just too much of nothing. I'm falling apart, losing myself in losing pounds.



I thought I could just start and stop like ti was nothing, i thought i was strong enough, smart enough, to get by scott-free. That was three and a half years ago and now I'm stuck. I guess its called Wannarexic, or so i saw in a magazine. I stopped eating as a fad diet that dumb teenagers do, but i was 15 and had no clue about what a real eating disorder was. After a few months as the numbers continued to drop I was stuck, caught and enamored. Addicted to being thin, with losing weight by losing myself. Its been three and a hlf years of eating disorders, one after another. i get healthy for a month or so and then i get trapped again. I've done anorexia, b/p, and many other of the EDNOSes. I read somewhere that a lot of people who start it as a fad diet end up stuck like me.

I feel like such a fool sometimes. Not just because it all started as a wannarexic deal but also because that kinda fad disrespects people with the actual conditions like me now.

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