posted 10-08-2008 08:30 PM by
I haven't gone a day without speaking to him. I feel like crap.
There was this huge build up to finally climax to going to college together... and what happens? He breaks up with me.
One thing is clear: he wanted more space then I could have ever possibly given him. He didnt want the relationship factor; he just wants to party. That's incredibly immature.
I feel like ****.
I feel so worthless and really replaceable.
I hate being replaceable.
I think that is why my personality is so strong. I'm so scared someone will be as original as me. I try to be as different and original as I can be with hopes that just once, I don't geel so replaced.
Viska wasn't a very good boyfriend.
It's bad I really want him back. I know that I honestly can do better.
My room smells like weed.
I can't stop shaking. I just want Viska to come over- we could talk, laugh again. I want someone to hug me, but i don't want it to be Viska. I want more than a hug, I want someone who is seriously just there.
Why can't I ever seem to get that.
I think I may fall out of college. I don't have the will power to do homework. I just don't want to be doing anything, really. I kind of just want to fall asleep and wake up when the worst has passed.
Every day it should be easier.. but I just feel insanely bad. I just wanna crap out and turn over in a little ball.
My self esteem is again hitting the pits. I don't handle this sort of rejection well. it's so funny how desperately we want someone to fill certain needs for us.