06-27-2004, 02:05 PM
:unsure: i dunno.. i just feel so Freaking depressed.. and i don't know exactly why.. i had to move once when i was 9.. from a whole different country.. it wasn't hard.. but now i have to move to IN.. i'm in FL right now.. it's so hard.. i found this wonderful gurl two months ago.. and we fell in love.. it happened pretty fast... but we are so happy together.. we talk about our future together and everything.. i'm a 15 year old chick.. i have many great friends.. and a Wonderful family.. i get good grades.. ppl think i'm pretty, smart and funny.. but i'm not completely happy.. i feel selfish saying this.. i don't open up easily.. people think my life is perfect or close to it.. it's killing me having to move and leave everything i know behind.. an dot move sooo far away.. Man.. it hurts ya know?.. i kno i'll get through.. my gf just called.. she's in the hospital.. she's pretty sick.. with something that can kill her.. she's so amazing tho.. her own family is always telling her crap tho.. and it really hurts her and she believes their words.. it's all BS.. she's something else.. she's so Beautiful.. and smart.. and just so down to earth and outgoing.. if she only knew.. i want to make her happy and give her everything she deserves.. i'm gonna help her through this.. i'm gonna be here for her and lift her up.. tell her how much i love her and how she's my angel without wings.. men disgust me.. her stepfather tried to come on to her.. not only once.. he got caught once.. it pisses me off.. she won't tell anyone.. my whole life i've seen men mistreat women.. beat them. .and insult them.. like they were nothing.. i think that's why i turned out gay.. i know not all men are like that.. but it stuck with me you know?.. i don't hate them.. just most of them are so.. i don't know.. i have guys friend.. adn they are great.. so yea don't take me wrong.. anyway.. I'm moving into this Beautiful house.. and going to one of the top high schools in the nation.. but it hurts leaving things behind.. so i drown myself in my music and books.. i try to stay optimistic tho.. don't get me wrong.. i have a great self esteem.. and i'm always planning my future.. and reaching for the stars.. it's just sometimes.. like this day.. i get so depressed.. i think i need a counselor?.. maybe i have a disorder.. i'm not bi polar i know that.. hmm i don't know.. i just feel so sick of feeling like this.. like i don't want to do anything.. sleep all day.. i need to get up and do something.. seriously.. i guess it's just hitting me pretty hard.. that i'm leaving tomorrow.. and i just love this girl so mcuh.. she's so worth it.. my parents support me.. even tho my parents have been acting weird lately.. they doesn't let me go out with her alone.. because they doesn't want me to get hurt or have sex with her or something.. hmm parents.. ya know?.. it's all cool.. i feel a little better now that i said all this.. maybe i should talk to someone and spill my heart out.. i'm gonna get through this.. i just feel ugly.. out of shape.. jsut worthless right now -.- .. i need to join a team.. get active.. hmmm..