03-23-2009, 11:46 AM
I think they're stupid and self indulgent. I think it's a stupid thing to do. I think when people make a big drama about how much/ little they've eaten it's pathetic. But I can't stop throwing up. I don't see the point of therapy because that's also self indulgent. I guess I'll just see what happens but I can't stop throwing up. I've not been doing bad the last few months. Last week was most days but I was stressed and upset and like 7, 8 times a day was the most and that's a personal worst for me. Now I sort of feel sick constantly. When you're a naturally nausseous person like me it ****s you even more. I just feel sick. Now when I do it I don't get much from it and regret it instantly and cant... finish cos it's too disgusting. I think I've been binging more lately which I always say I don't have the binging side. But it's mostly just when I've drank a bit too much and that whole eating to absorb alcohol thing REALLY doesn't work. On saturday that happened and then I felt SOO full and not hungry for a long time on sunday. So I wanted to throw up so much but didn't so I think I see where some of you are coming from now. I sometimes tell people I don't like to drink and eat at the same time... but that's mostly why! they just think it's weird. So I wish I could explain but they wouldn't understand... And my sister... my sister, I love her so much but I can't stand this silly infatuation she has with food and when I hear her openly discussing this, her "issues" and her friends annorexia and how some girl she knows is pretending to be annorexic and how I "don't have and eating disorder!! You think you've got an eating disorder now?" I don't ****ing want one... And everyone tip toe around her and don't hurt her precious feelings. When and why did it become popular to be ill in this way? because it's feminine and tragic. Puking your guts up though isn't. I wish they could see certain issues in their entiety.