View Full Version : a very honest question
12-21-2007, 01:44 AM
good eveening ladys and gentlemen.. i was searching around the internet on something about how to fake being sick (lol ive had a bad day) when i came across this sight, i was very interested when i found this and read through most of the stuff in here...
i would like to give the people that made this a big thumbs up
now uhhh...what im getting at is this
im struggling with depression, im being medicate and stuff. but no matter what medications i use or what treatments i get...there is still a pain, i think it is becuase of my awful family situation (mostly with my mother)
and becuase of this pain im getting bad grades in school (wich is worseing my reputation with my mother)
i know for a fact that i cannot change her
i cant change my situation
she has been trying to control my life forever
my question is
should i just leave?
im only 16
ive researched school options so thats not a problem
my dad would understand
it would cost alot
but my mom would hate me
please help i need a way to escape!
A Beautiful Disaster
12-21-2007, 04:43 AM
I think that leaving would be just an easy escape.
But the easiest way is often not the right one.
As I see from your post, the main problem is your mother trying to control your life.
So, in order to stop her attempts of putting everything under her control, you should, first of all, show her that you're a self-standing person, and you can be responsible for your life already.
I've been through something similar before, and finding a job helped me really much. Even though I worked for not such a long time, it was a way to show my, to some extent, independence.
And in order to change your situation, make all the important decisions by yourself and only then tell your mother about them, pointing out that you have made a final decision already and you aren't going to change your mind. That will help, and she will get used to the fact that you're not a child anymore.
Only try not to be too harsh with her, no matter what, she is your mother, and she is not indifferent about you.
Hope everything will be fine for you.
12-21-2007, 04:57 AM
I agree with A Beautiful Disaster. Leaving it might not be the right choice in your case.
And it may seem easier at the beginning but sooner or later you realize that is harder. I left my home, I came to live with my grandma, and in the 9 months I've lived here, my father has reminded me how I was using him every time we went out, how I abandoned him, that I was a bad daughter, etc, etc. That's not helping me to feel better, but now I know my choice IS right. At least that helps me.
If you really want to go, be sure your choice is the right one, and that you'll be able to stand all the problems your leaving may arise.
A Beautiful Disaster
12-21-2007, 05:09 AM
I agree with what has been said above - there are certainly some situations when leaving is the best option, and in fact there is nothing to choose from.
I have given you some general advice that would help in a typical sutiation of such a kind, but if the situation is really complicated, I need to know more about it to give better advice.
So feel free to talk to me about it anytime.
12-21-2007, 07:24 AM
This is your choice. If you choose to leave, remember that life's tough, and you might never be able to patch things up with your mother. If you choose to stay, you need to make sure your mother knows she can't control you. This does NOT mean doing things just because she doesn't want you to, my step-sister does that a lot. I agree with Beautiful Disaster, if you don't have a job, you could look for one and start paying for some of your own stuff.
12-21-2007, 02:02 PM
everyone above has given great advice and wonderful insight into your question. now, for my two cents, leaving home is a VERY big decision. while it sounds great in theory, it may even be harder for you down the road. you say youve researched schools and such, and that is real nice. most kids just drop out and get a job. youve made the right decision in that aspect.
now, when you say "leaving", do you mean, as in staying with another relative? if this is the case, is this relative willing to take you on? are they willing to stand by and support you? or are they going to report everything you do to your mother? (if this is the case, you might as well stay home and eliminate the middle man) is this relative going to respect your decision and your privacy? i know that no one is perfect, however, if a relative WILL stand with you, it could really get your mother to back down a little bit. if they're going to take your mothers side, that will only worsen things.
if you want to go out on your own and support yourself, i would advise you to STAY HOME. it is a cold cold world out there. my mother just left town, and i had to support myself; i ended up stuck at a dead end job, nd hardly any money to pay my bills. it was rough. i ended up moving in with my father, and he paid for everything, which made me feel like a mooch. when my independence is threatened, it puts me in a funk. anyway, if you are going to completely disregard my advice, and try to make it on your own, i would suggest, saving up as much money as possible. there are little things people dont think about, you know? sure, theres rent, of course. but groceries are expensive, not to mention you plan on staying in school, so you'd have to pay for registration, and your lunch everday. P.E uniforms, books, etc. all of this adds up, and it adds up quick. do you have means of transportation? are you willing to walk to and from school? to work from home? could you deal with that kind of a load? work, plus school, plus being on your own? I know that i sound like im raining on your parade, but darling, i just dont want you to make the same mistakes i did. listen, i know you have to make your own mistakes, thats how we learn, but we ALSO learn from someone elses mistakes as well.