You Want More

[Secrets&&Lies]

Okay, so I had a bad day today and wrote two poems out when I got home. This one happened after school. I'll post the other in two minutes.

And it feels like you’re suffocating
Like there’s a pillow over your head
You’re hands they reach out blindly
Falling clumsily onto your bed

Your vision all goes foggy
Your hearing tunes out too
Your legs shake uncontrollably
You don’t know what to do

You can’t remember why
You’re freaking out like you are
But you don’t know how to stop it either
It’s already gone too far

You can’t breathe and you can’t see
Can’t hear, can’t even think
So you stumble through the empty house
And find yourself a drink

You reach up to the cupboard
Pull down the bag within
In that moment, it’s obvious
Just how you’re going to win

Pull out that box of painkillers
And fumble with the clasp
Into your hand, pour out some pills
The solutions in your grasp

Throw them back into your throat
Down them with water so clear
Wipe the tears that stream from your eyes
Wipe away the fear

At that moment, “perfect” timing
A car pulls on the drive
You force yourself to breathe again
To act like you’re alive

Stash away the evidence
Everything in its place
You putting away, him at the door
It’s turned into a race

A race he doesn’t know he’s in
But he’s part of, all the same
You concentrate only on looking normal
And can’t even remember your name

But you prepare yourself and you’re ready when
Your brother walks through the door
You follow him out, with one last glance
At the cupboard – for you want more