View Full Version : I don't feel like I can go on...

01-31-2007, 12:47 AM
I'm a 13 year old female and was diagnosed with depression late 2005. I've had many suicide attempts and a very close call March last year with a drug OD that put me in hospital for 18 days, 10 of those being in a coma. I just started a new school today and I felt like everyone was looking at me and laughing. I'm also an in-the-closet lesbian. That also makes me very depressed and it will make me more depressed when I come out!! I was almost in tears at school today. I know how precious life is and how there's a difference between ending life and ending pain but there's no way for me to end being a lesbian. I'm just so confused!! Please help me A.S.A.P!!

snake spit
01-31-2007, 12:49 AM
Do you have someone you can talk to about this? I mean, other than online? If not, that's alright.
I'm sorry to hear about your attempts and everything else, and if you need someone to talk to, you can PM me, or I have AIM & MSN on my profile.

01-31-2007, 12:53 AM
I have absolutley no one to talk to. I've been doing home schooling for about a year due to my previous attempts. I'm a sensible person and even when I'm feeling completley hopeless I can try to talk myself through it but this time I just seem not able to. I'm not religious but I try to go to church once a week. But I can't tell them I'm a lesbian or I may not be welcome back. And with suicidial thoughts they'd just tell my mum and then I'd have to talk to my psychiatrist again which I really don't want to do!! He doesn't help at all.

EDIT: I've decided I might talk to the school welfare officer/counciller tomorrow, I'm just hoping she doesn't pull the I-had-to-tell-your-mother-because-your-life-is-in-danger line that the last person I confided in did.

snake spit
01-31-2007, 01:35 AM
It might be really good to talk to the counsellor, he/she can probably help you =)
Also, in the SI forum I think, there are some posts somewhere about student's rights.
I'll see if I can find it for you =)

And I am happy to talk to you if you need to talk online, and so is everybody else at FTI.

snake spit
01-31-2007, 01:37 AM
Here's the link, you should check it out =)


01-31-2007, 01:41 AM
Thanks that would be really great of you. I've only been a member for an hour(ish) and this forum is already super in my opinion!! **HUGS**

EDIT: Thanks I didn't see the post before!!! :$

snake spit
01-31-2007, 01:43 AM
-hugs back- =D
I'm glad you think so, I definitley did when I joined.
and seriously - if you need to talk, my msn and aim addys are on my profile, or you can pm me.
I'm on here practically all the time, hah.

01-31-2007, 01:52 AM
I just think it's good to have a forum where people can go for help that isn't full of haters and people criticizing and laughing. Hopefully I'll be here for atleast afew months.

01-31-2007, 01:54 AM
Those probably won't apply to me :( . That says America, I'm in Australia. I'll do some googling.

snake spit
01-31-2007, 02:03 AM
Yeah, I haven't even been here a month yet, but I love it.

Oh, sorry - I thought those were for everywhere.
I hope you find something on google =)

01-31-2007, 02:07 AM
Well I haven't found anything so far. But now I gotta go to bed to get sleep for another terrible day at school tomorrow. I might be on before school but maybe not.

Hallelujah Lock and Load xoxo

01-31-2007, 02:15 AM
Whatever you do, FTI is always going to be here.
I have tried to end my own life more than once, am now eating for the first time in a long time, mainly cause of the support that I have here.
Welcome to the forum, dont go away.

snake spit
01-31-2007, 02:21 AM
Well I haven't found anything so far. But now I gotta go to bed to get sleep for another terrible day at school tomorrow. I might be on before school but maybe not.

Hallelujah Lock and Load xoxo

Alright, maybe I'll look around!
Good night =)
and nice meeting you!

01-31-2007, 02:25 AM
Sleep well snake spit. Sweet dreams and all the rest of that

snake spit
01-31-2007, 02:32 AM
Thanks adam, same to you (well, when your bedtime comes around, and I have no idea when that is XD)

Night then

01-31-2007, 02:52 AM
It wont be for another maybe 10 or 11 hours. I work on GMT so yeah

snake spit
01-31-2007, 02:57 AM
ah, PST.
fun fun.

couldn't sleep, hah.

01-31-2007, 02:58 AM
Im really confused

snake spit
01-31-2007, 03:03 AM
hah, sorry - Pacific Standard Time.

01-31-2007, 08:35 PM
I didn't talk to the school councillour today. I may tomorrow. I think that if I can get some help about how to come out as being a lesbian to my family and friends, it might make me abit/alot less depressed.

snake spit
01-31-2007, 08:39 PM
That would be a really good idea, and I'm glad that you're at least thinking about going to a counsellor soon.
I hope that it works out for you.

And I hope that the whole coming out thing works too - before I did, I read a bunch of stuff online and wrote a letter to my parents and stuff, and made a family meeting. My dad just kind of walked away and my mom just went back to work without saying anything, and we never talked about it again - it was like they were indifferent.

It was weird.
But I felt a lot better afterwards anyways.

01-31-2007, 08:41 PM
I'm just worried about being taken to see my psychiatrist about it :( . I want to tell people because it's who I am but it's not something I want to talk to my shrink about.

EDIT: I've read alot of stuff online but it hasn't really helped!!

snake spit
01-31-2007, 08:45 PM
You shouldn't be taken to your psych. about it, it should be fine - And you should be happy with who you are, it definitley is a big step in confidence when you're coming out like that.

And yeah - most stuff online didn't help me either. Something that might help is to write a letter. That way the person can read it all the way through without interuppting you, and you can get your point across however you want. And that way, they have time to think about it without getting angry right away.

I'll help you do some research and post some stuff - and I didn't find anything on laws in Australia, but I will keep looking around =)

01-31-2007, 08:46 PM
Question.. did i read correctly or did you say you were 13? what does it matter if your lesbian or not? I mean these feelings you having of liking girls.. are ok wether or NOT you do actually tell your parents. IF you tell your parents.. hey I think im a lesbian.. and they hate it.. then whats that going to do for you.... *shrug*

I think you are still young.. and your sexxual orientation still has room to blossom. I dont understand why you would make that the pinnacle of your depression.

What exactly is making you feel depressed? Is it the fact tht you DO feel that you are a "Lesbian"or even if everyone told you they thought lesbians were great would you still feel depressed?

I'm asking only becuase I am 27 I am married with four kids.. and I have always said.. I liked girls... Yes im married now (to a man) but it wasnt until i was 21 that I was finally with a woman.. and I swore in hightschool i was a lesbian for certain.. All I'm saying is that you shouldnt be so focused on your sexual preferencces at the moment.. your 13 and maybe shoud be focused on getting mentally healthy.. and by that I DONT NOT Mean getting "straight" by that I mean.. finding some joy in your life.. be it an activity you enjoy or simply finding a real friend.

I'm glad you are going to speak with someone. Remember that even if your parents or someone yu tell were to be upset if you tell them you think you like girls.. it doesnt meant they dont love you... it just means that what you have told them is difficult for them to understand at the moment. If you do tell them give them time and expect some resistance.. it isnt easy for grown ups to remember what it feels like to be 13.


snake spit
01-31-2007, 08:52 PM
Have you seen this yet?


Those seem to have some usefull info.

lady_M - I think you raise a good point, because people are constantly changing. And I don't think anybody should state their definitive sexual persona for life.

01-31-2007, 08:56 PM
I've read both of those. I think I've read every article on coming out ever written (exagerration obviously) !!

EDIT: I know that I'm a lesbian opposed to bi or straight. I was raped when I was 5 through to when I was 8. I can't trust men and the thought of a relationship with a man makes me want to throw up.

snake spit
01-31-2007, 09:04 PM
I'm sorry to hear about that =(

Well, I'm glad you have things figured out.
I will give you any advice I can with this stuff when I can give it. I don't have firsthand experience with everything, but I think I give somewhat decent advice =D

If you want to talk about it too, you can PM me ^^

01-31-2007, 09:09 PM
thanks. ill probably bump this topic up once i make more progress. ((HUGS!))

01-31-2007, 09:09 PM
Actually, reading what you just wrote about being raped, makes me think that there is a possibility that you may actually be straight. I was also raped and had those same feelings about men. You are having a very normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. I know at 13 I felt so old and like I knew everything, but now im 19 and realized how much I had yet to learn. You are lucky you are still young. There is still time for you to form normal, healthy relationships with men. I totally understand exactly where you are coming from though. 13 is such a confusing age, but I want you to know that it will get better. You are a survivor sweety, whether you realize it or not. Give yourself some time. One day, (maybe not soon), boys will become so much more mature and you will find yourself forming real, meaningful relationships with them...your opinion of men can change completely or you may still feel that you like women...there is absolutely nothing wrong with that though...

01-31-2007, 11:23 PM
Exactly Born to dream.. You suffered a tradgic experience.. that is making the thought of men appauling.. that doesnt make you a lesbian.. persay.. It just makes you NOT want men at the moment.

With therapy and the right opportunity you may very well learn to lvoe a man. You cant let your past dictate who you are to become.

Believe me... I'm not talking out of my bum. I have had VERY tradgic experience's and if i were to let them dictate who I am.. id be ... well.. who knows.. maybe a murderor or a rapist.. or a celibate freak living in the woods somewhere.

right now and for possibly a long time you will laothe the thought of men.. but you need to learn to cope with what happened and move on. becuase you could ruin or possibly by pass some wonderful experiences and opporutnities in your life... NOT ALL MEN are evil... and you may have a horrible expeirience wiht a woman that may make you hate women.. Then what? *giggle*

Hey, I have never declared im Straight.. nor will i Say Im a lesbian or whatever.. My sexual preference changes with whatever mood im in. *giggle*.

I suggest you get therapy.. SOunds like you need some help dealing with what has happend to you in the past.


02-01-2007, 04:57 AM
I don't blame you for not trusting us, if I were you I probably wouldn't either.

One of my closest friends lives in Australia, she's been raped twice and had to be home schooled because her school wouldn't let her back until she stopped cutting. I know she wouldn't mind me sending you her MSN addy but she's never online these days and I haven't managed to get hold of her on the phone for a while.

I've said on here before that if either of my girls had turned out to be bi or lesbian then their sexual orientation would be a lot less important to me than whether or not they were happy. You have plenty of time to come out to them if you decide that you're definitely a lesbian, it'll be a few years yet before they start to think about things like you getting married and having kids one day, etc. Just do it when you feel ready.

02-05-2007, 02:30 AM
I'm being good and trying to keep one topic open instead of creating multiple topics...

I feel horrble. Today at my new school, a dude who I've know for 4 days asked me out and obviously I said no. He was already depressed because 3 of his family members are either dying or in hospital :( . And I just made him more depressed :( . Obviously being a lesbian isn't something I can just tell someone I've know for less than a week atleast. I just told him he wasn't my type. Now he's angry with me and he's the closest thing I had to a friend :( .

02-05-2007, 02:52 AM
Try to explain that you like him but you barely know him. Maybe if you knew him better. I mean you do like him right as a mate?

02-05-2007, 02:54 AM
As a mate yeah he's okay I guess. He's one of those annoying people who are irratating to be around. It's just really bad.