After 2 years...

[TheShayness]

After 2 years of not cutting, I did it. I was really, really overwhelmed today. I post about it here becaus eI know that you guys will understand what I am going through. All of my other friends, if they find out that I did it, will get angry at me and start yelling but I know that you won't.
My parents and I got into this huge fight today over me smoking. That is how the fight started, and then it rocketed to me being a horrible person and daughter. I threatened to run away, I beat the crap out of my dad, I put a hole in my door, and after all of that I couldn't find any relieve. When my mom made me stay in my room, I found the scissors that I hid from them and from myself and started cutting. When I saw the blood after 2 years of not doing it, I broke down and collapsed on the ground. Meanwhile my parents had gone to Home Depot, so I was home alone. I couldn't breathe afterwards. I was having a major panic attack. There was no one around to help me calm down. Then, my friend had come into my house because she heard me crying and she had to call the ambulance because I wasn't breathing right. It was such a horrible day.

[broken_wings]

well...you went two years. thats something. maybe its a good thing that you collapsed when you did it again...it mite mean that your body and mind know its not helpful anymore...maybe next time you should just throw your tool away instead of hiding it? idk you very well, but you dont seem like a horrible person to me :)

[spikeyfaerie]

First off..well done and congratulations for going 2 years!!! That deserves a huge *HUG*

Second - I'm glad your friend got to you to help you.

Now...please don't let this get your down...I know it must be frustrating to fall down after doing so well but in any recovery there are hurdles. Some days you will fall and other days you will feel so strong. The best thing to do is to get back up again....say "well, I went 2 years, this time I will aim to go for longer than 2 years".

If you were taken to hospital did your parents find out? Did they help you initially when you quit? Can you talk to them this time?

emma
xx

[TheShayness]

My parents did find out. They weren't too happy with me. They told me that it was just another excuse for me to harm myself. My friend, Emily (the one who found me) was the only one helped me initially when I quit. I have never been able to talk to my parents. We never got along. They always considered me the black sheep of the family. My brother is the angel and I am the devil.

[ParkerGuitarRocker]

lol i understand, im always the 1 at fault too. congrats tho on going 2 years, thats amazing. That definately deserves something. anyway, that does sound like a crappy day, but everybody here is here to help, so if u need 2 talk. ;-)