Im Completely Fine....

[dayzd14]

Mhm. Fine.

No Im not. Im completely losing it.
I dont know. It might seem stupid and pointless and pathetic. But heres why.

My dog died Monday morning. I knew it was coming, but I mean, Ive had her since I was 3 years old. Im 16. When you think about it, she was as much a part of me as Im a part of me. But anyways. That has completely thrown everything out of proportion. I cut for the first time in almost 3 months. I have to say, it felt like a year, but I just had to do it. I have this project due tomorrow and Im not done yet. Its 11pm right now, and that projects worth 30% of my mark. Maybe I should finish it. I dont really care though. Im ready to just go to school and start crying. I cant take this. I need help. But I wont ask for it. I cant take this house anymore. My mothers an alchoholic, my dad said hes gonna leave if she doesnt smarten up soon. She wont. My friends are complete...well. They really just dont get it. They dont understand how serious I am. They dont know how self destructive I am. Ive tried to kill myself before and Ill do it again. I mean, I dont even know where half of this is coming from. I just need to get it out because the way I feel right now is unbearable. Its like, this pain, physically. Everywhere, and then dont even get me started about what goes on inside my head. When I get really bad, I start like, I guess distorting reality. I hear things and see things and get paranoid to the point where Ill sit in front of the door waiting for someone to come home because I think theres something in the house. I hate this. I really really hate this...

[Victim of Society]

I know how losing a pet feels, I had a cat from age 3 to 9. I miss Kitty A.K.A Diamond. My dad got feed up with him and took him away. I bawled the whole day. I got a new pet now, you should too. It cheered me up. :) Feel free to PM me.

[yello]

hey. ifeel like that often. an intense feeling that makes you want to throw up your insides so they'll stop hurting.
shi++y stuff goes on in houses, with families, parents, kids, and no one sees it most of the time. it's not cuz noone cares though, it's cuz no one knows. no one can see the thoughts in your head... there's gotta be one friend you've got who you can just spill all your thoughts to... and if not, hey dude, we're all here. i'm supposed to be studying, but who does that these days.
you know what's important. you've got a level head, the project is just something that's gotta get done. it's one of those things that doesnt really matter in life, like all of school. it's a think in life we can master because of how unimportant it is. it's so much easier than handling life and family and emotions.
that's atleast, i think, how i look at school. we deal with so much crap at home that school is a BREEEZE even if we have to work hard at it.... it's easier then so many other things.
i hate death. i'm so sorry about your pet.
tomorrow will be sunny :) spend some time in the sun

[thepain,oh the pain]

losing pets is hard... like everyone else said!!

PM me anytime, k?

and remember: if at first my inbox is full, try, try again

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JoSh