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spoken_widsom
10-26-2006, 08:28 PM
why am i like this?! I dont want to be! Everybody at school knows about me, talks about me, stares at me in the halls. Im f*cking sick of it! i cant handle this anymore. when i get all upset like this, I cut, and i go back to anorexic habits. Ive gained all this weight, and its slowly leaving. I just feel so gross when i eat, so guilty. I feel like crying all the time, which makes me want to cut.

I need serious help. But Im so sick of dealing with people! Im so sick of ppl feeling sorry for me, treating me like a child. asking me if i've eaten today. telling me i need to eat more......i KNOW i need to eat more! im not stupid! but I wouldnt be upset if i never ate again.

I dont understand life anymore. I dont get why its so hard for me and so easy for others. It makes no sense. Why was i chosen to have the f*cked up life? god im such a pesemist. i need to seriously grow up. I just dont want to be here anymore.

Im tired. So emotionally tired. I'm sick of feeling ashamed of the way that i am! I just want to cry. i want to cut, i want to cry in my bed for hours. i want to go purge the food my parents forced me to eat.

i want to curl up in a ball......and sleep forever.......

<3<3

meinthecorner
10-27-2006, 02:57 AM
cry in bed for hours - it is fine and it does help. Now that you seem to be having a really bad time this is the time to get help. If you were better then people wouldn't keep checking up on you so why don't you go to your GP and get some advice on how to kick this habit.
It isn't fiar sometimes with the cards we are dealt in life but you also have a chance to reshuffle your cards and give yourself a better life - take advantage of that opportunity and go get help.

Pixiemoon
10-27-2006, 08:12 AM
Your right, you do need help. If your parents know that your anorexic, tell them that. Tell them you want help. Even if its for something else as well.
This is a really big thing, so you should consider it carefuly, but maybe you should try in- or out-patient therapy. During the day. Try a program where you could stay caught up with school work, but not in school so you would be learning with other people with similar problems. you could get help in an environment that is completly oriented towards that. I do not have any personal experience with that kind of place but I know someone who is currently considering it.

Something else you canh do is just talk to your parents. Ask them if you can take a few days off. Sometimes a short break can do a lot. Meanwhile, try to get a therapist or something. They can then help you deal with all the stuff.

Good luck
~pixie

spoken_widsom
10-27-2006, 08:18 AM
thanks for ur help,

i know that i need to get some major help, its just making that first step that is SO hard. telling somebody. i mean ppl know about me, yeah, but nobody knows how im feeling. nobody knows that this is a CONSTANT struggle for me. just b/c i have been to a therapist before, and had some help w/ this, doesnt mean im better.

idk, i guess i will talk to my parents and ask to go back to my therapist...

<3amy<3

meinthecorner
10-27-2006, 09:16 AM
yes please do! If you haven't already then read my thread called 'I admitted it' I told everyone about my problem and they were all ready to help because they all knew. I felt like I had a ton on my shoulders but as soon as the doctor started helping me I have become happier and the days have become easier. It is a big step - huge and I almost didn't do it but I thank God that I did now :) Have strength to ask for help - it is the biggest thing you can do and it is the best thing you can do in order to get your life back. Good Luck!

spoken_widsom
10-27-2006, 10:10 AM
easier said than done.

i just dont want my parents to worry about me. i dont want them to be ashamed of me.
they know i have a problem. ive already been diagnosed, and i have gained weight, but lately things have just sucked for me. im having ex-boyfriend problems, school work, and work....they are all stressing me out.

ugh i need a break from life.

Wintie
10-27-2006, 11:02 AM
**** those people at school! Some people know about my problems and they also stare at me at school, but I've learned to ignore them (but I know how hard that can be). You are doing great, you even ask help yourself and that's a very big and good step. Be proud of yourself that you have gained weight. Sometimes you just need to be selfish and especially at this moment you just only have to think of yourself! You can get out of this, because I know you can! :)